How to Fix a Broken Relationship (9 Steps)

A woman crying on her bed after getting out of a broken relationship.

Decide right now if you want to make it work.

A relationship is like a roller coaster. When things are going amazing, you are on top of the world. But what if things go downhill? Perhaps the two of you are fighting a lot, or not having fun together, and your heart hurts. You do not know why you are in a relationship. And you are faced with two options: You can end the relationship, or you can try to find a solution. It is time to learn how to fix a broken relationship.

When you run into relationship problems, you may not know what to say to your partner. Here are the steps you should take:

1. Try to understand the cause of your relationship problems.

If you want to learn how to fix a broken relationship, you need to understand the source of your frustration. There are a million things that partners can do to hurt each other. And sometimes we lie to ourselves about what the problem really is. That is why it is critical to know what went wrong so you can fix things. Consider factors like the length of your relationship and what changes in your feelings and actions that you noticed.

2. Create distance.

Distance often contributes to relationship problems. However, if you and your significant other are fighting and cannot talk to each other, you should create a bit of space, so you can clear your mind. You both need time to think with a cool head.

 3. Keep silent and be patient.

A couple in a relationship facing away from each other.

Communication is the key to a good relationship but sometimes, a bit of silence is necessary to help reset your emotions. When you are fighting and digging in your heels, it is better to be quiet and let the storm pass, so you can have a productive conversation. And to do that you will need to be patient. You need time to reflect on the issue. If you want to fix a broken relationship, you need to be temperate and give your partner adequate time to think and heal.

4. Say sorry.

Your relationship will not improve if you cannot say sorry. It is the only way to demonstrate that you want to authentically improve the relationship. If you made a mistake and you value your relationship, set your ego aside and apologize to your partner. Do not allow your ego to drown your relationship.

5. Honest conversation.

You need to sit down and have a honest conversation at some point if you want to fix your relationship. After some reflection, you both must discuss what is troubling you. You should focus on hurt feelings instead of criticizing mistakes. That is what is important. You need to understand each other and avoid repeating the behaviors that broke your relationship.

6. Forget and forgive.

A girlfriend hugging her boyfriend after hugging him.

After considering your relationship problems with your partner and having an honest conversation, both of you will need to forget and forgive the mistakes you made. This is the hardest part of healing a broken relationship. But, it is critical. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect. Every single person can and will screw up. If you cannot forgive, it is better to break up than to force yourself and your partner to suffer resentment. But keep in mind that mistakes are an unavoidable part of all relationships. That means learning to forgive is a skill you need to master if you want to have long, healthy relationships.

 7. Take responsibility for your mistakes.

If you make a mistake, you should not make excuses or blame your partner. It is your duty to take responsibility. Self-ownership is a necessary and important character train of strong people capable of being in a healthy relationship.

You should also renew your commitment to your partner. Kindly offer solutions to your relationship troubles. A strong commitment can help both of you motivate yourselves to become better in the future.

8.  Take responsibility and change bad habits.

A messy pan in a messy kitchen representing a bad habit.

This one is not my most popular suggestion. But I think it is important to keep in mind that you are not perfect. It is not your responsibility to change yourself according to your partners whims, but it is your responsibility to address your faults and your weaknesses. Such changes may contribute to the solution for problems that you caused in your relationship. I am not suggesting that you martyr yourself for your significant other, I am recommending that you take responsibility for yourself and your actions; an important component of taking responsibility is addressing your shortcomings. Keep in mind that these changes should not be unilateral. Your partner probably needs to work on some of their destructive habits as well.

9. Communicate clearly in the future.

A man and a woman in a relationship having a conversation.

You can fix most potholes before they cause accidents. In other words, if you can communicate effectively, you can solve disagreements before they become problems. But you must be honest and sincere in your communication; and this is difficult because it requires bravery.

Effective communication will help you avoid unnecessary misunderstanding and mistakes that are the main cause for the breakups. In addition, communication also offers a sense support to your partner, and is the easiest way to develop your sense of friendship.  

Communication also softens the ego, by forcing you to admit to your weaknesses and address them. Couples that communicate effectively rarely build up the self-righteous mentalities that so frequently destroy couples.

And now you know how to fix a broken relationship. Good luck.