How to Approach Women: The Simple Truth

A woman smiling and laughing as someone talks to her.

Smile. Say hello.

How many opportunities have you completely wasted? How many times have you seen a girl you thought was attractive and ignored her? Or, even worse, she caught your awkward glance and looked away. I want to talk to you about what your need to do when a girl looks at you. We are going to cover how to approach women.

Before we get started, I want you to remember that you are not some isolated loser. I would estimate that three quarters of the male population on the planet have the same questions you do.

The Initial Glance

There will be a whole variety of situations where you see a girl and make eye contact. To name a few: as you walk to a restaurant for lunch, as you walk to class, on the bus, at work, etc.

Here is how the situation plays out: You notice her and suddenly your eyes meet. She looks at you and then she looks away.

It's very rare that a girl will look at you for more than two seconds. But she did look at you. Maybe she smiled. Maybe it was more of a glance. Regardless of the details it is critical that you know what to do in that situation because pretty woman tend to scatter our brains.

Here is how to approach women:

Go over there and start a conversation with her because that look was an invitation.

I know that's very scary for a lot of guys. You don't know what to do in that situation. But here is a step by step plan that details how to proceed when you receive that glance:

1. Hold her gaze.

A man speaks to a woman after he approached her.

When people first meet, only 7% of their first impresion is based on what is said.

When a girl looks over at you, hold her gaze. I want you to win the stare. That's right. Hold it until she looks away.

That is dominant. That is sexy. That initiative is going to be attractive because you have showed her that you're not scared. She knows that you are interested, and that you want her to know that you are interested. The next time a girl looks at you do not look away.

Plus, you can learn a lot about how the girl is feeling by the way she looks at you.

A correct proportion of eye contact is important to establishing friendly rapport and a likable presence. Most guys way under shoot how much eye contact they should make because they feel shy or shameful. You should make eye contact for 60% of the time spent in conversation.

2. Smile.

I want you to smile. After 2 seconds give a very nice smile. She will smile and look away. In exactly 5 seconds you are going to walk up and greet her.

A lot of guys will think, oh she smiled at me, she looked at me and then they'll wait the rest of the night to say hello. That is not you.

The perfect time to meet her is now. Wait a couple seconds and walk over.

3. Do not mention eye contact.

Here is something that a lot of guys botch. They mention the fact that they noticed the girl looking at them. You do not want to mention that.

Don't call attention to the fact that you guys made eye contact. Her giving you eye contact and smiling means that she's already interested and wants you to come over and speak to her. You might think, what if she just looked at me because people look at each other?

4. Assume Attraction

That is a possibility, but I want to assume attraction. Why? Because it's going to give you confidence and make you smooth. Just assume she's interested.

Assume that she wants to talk to you. If you approach thinking, I don't know if she likes me or if she doesn't like me, your doubt will ruin your approach because your brain is warning you that you are headed down a one way street to embarrassment. I'm from Chicago so I'm going to use a Michael Jordan reference.

A man kissing a woman's forehead.

Did you know? Our pupils widen when we're attracted to someone.

Do you think Michael Jordan went into a game thinking, “I'm probably going to lose, or I'm probably going to miss this shot?” No! He thinks, he knows he is going to win. That is your mindset.

Keep in mind that there is evidence that when you see someone you are attracted to, the areas of your brain responsible for emotions overpower the areas of your brain responsible for logic. If you are a person with strong emotions, and a mild inferiority complex, this combination can really mess with your head. It is up to you to learn to ignore it.

5. The Opener

Remind yourself that you are going to win because it is time to talk.

Now you are walking over to her, keeping eye contact, smiling, etc. What should you say? All you need to do is use my favorite opener of all time: “Hi, I'm John/Nathan/Tim/etc.”.

That is it. You introduce yourself politely because you're treating this meeting like every other interaction. Walk over to the lovely lady, say hello, introduce yourself and continue the conversation from there.

Do not wait for eye contact.

I do not want you to wait for a girl to give you eye contact and smile. It's a lovely approach invitation. It makes your life a little bit easier and increases your confidence. But girls are incredible at hiding their emotions and looks. To this day, I will obliviously enjoying my night when one of my female friends taps me on the shoulder and tells me some girl has been checking me out.

If you see a girl you want to talk to: do it. Learning how to attract women is very difficult for guys. There is no step-by-step system to guide you after you say hello. But that, my friends, is where the fun begins. Too often we let our social anxiety shut down our our dreams. Seize the day.

Now that I have taught you how to approach women, it is time for you to go out and experiment.

After you talk to her (and hopefully get her number) you may still not be sure whether she was attracted to you or not. If that is the case, watch this video for some clues: